


Under the winter star

by MissesMarvellous



Series: Stardew Valley [1]
Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Harry Styles is the soundtrack, Love Story, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:27:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27367264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissesMarvellous/pseuds/MissesMarvellous
Summary: Almost a year after she moved to the valley, Ana is faced with the loneliness of life on a farm and struggles to get through winter. An unlikely lovestory ensues.
Relationships: Sebastian/Female Player (Stardew Valley)
Series: Stardew Valley [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1999024
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	Under the winter star

The path of colourful leaves turned into hard, barren ground, frozen in place. There hadn’t been any snow in the valley yet, though the mountains surrounding it were covered with it. They reflected the sunlight, making them glow ominously.

It was getting dark quickly these days. Ana did her best to finish up before darkness settled over her property, but the workable hours got less and less, meanwhile she wasn’t finished with her winter prep. Her fields were almost empty by now, but there was still a lot to do. She made her way up from the lower fields, in her cart the very last of anything she could find: Some apples and plums, a few cobs of corn alongside their husks and a couple of beets. The last of the pumpkins stood in solitary silence along the path to her house. She had to get them this week or they would rot.

Mist set in over the lake and Ana stopped for a second catch her breath and take in the scenery. It was her first winter alone on the farm as an adult and she had to admit, it was beautiful. Watching the dusky fields in the morning with a cup of coffee gave her a warm, fuzzy feeling. Working the fields in the evening, crows making noise in the background, ducks sleepily huddling together on the lake, the feeling she got wasn’t warm, but rather distant and melancholic. She remembered her childhood holidays spent here with her grandfather before he passed. Now she was back, and she was here to stay. After her first year of hardship, backbreaking work and lots of small, wonderful moments, she was sure of it.

As she approached her house, she spotted a dark figure sitting on the stairs. Ana hauled the cart with goods towards the porch and turned her attention to the visitor.

“You look like a ghost.” She squinted through the darkness with a crooked grin on her face.

“I am way to pretty to be a ghost, how dare you!” The other woman laughed and stood up, ridding her outfit from any folds while doing it.

“Fair point”, Ana crouched down to pet the small cat that came running towards her from the porch. “What are you doing here?” The cat sunk her claws into Ana’s arm.

“Ah you know me”, Haley leaned onto the porch fence, stepping from one foot onto another, “Being the nice person I am, I’m just checking in on you”, with a smile towards the cat she added, “and Beans of course, too.”

The farmer tried unloading the cart without accidentally stepping on her excited kitty, who was stroking around her legs, trying to lick her hands whenever she bowed down. “That’s nice of you. Gimme a sec, I’ll be right up.”

Haley shivered, “it’s getting cold. Can’t imagine working the farm in this weather.”

“It is”, Ana picked up the cat and enjoyed the vibrations of her purring for a second before heading up the stars to meet her friend. “Come in.” She gestured her head towards the door, struggling to open it with the cat still in her arms.

“I wouldn’t really call it working the farm, I mostly just run around, pick up whatever I can find and either put it up the truck for selling or the cellar for pickling.” She made her way inside and stepped to the right to make room for her friend. “I got a few barrels for wine production ready, I recon that’s going to be good.”

The inside of the cabin was cold and dark. Ana always thought that cabins would smell like honey and warmth and tea, in reality all she could smell was wood and a faint hint of mildew, probably coming from the basement. Gloomy streaks of dim light made it through the shutters and painted the cabin in a cool blue shade. She switched on a table lamp and blinked at the sudden spurt of light.

“Sorry for the mess”, she mumbled and put the cat down. It immediately sprinted towards the kitchen.

“Oh it’s fine. I came without warning. Just wanted to see how you were doing.” Haley sat down at the kitchen table and watched Ana pull out the cat food.

“I’m doing alright.” She paused to smile at Haley. “I know I haven’t been to town lately, but this week has been super stressful. Getting everything in, planting clover on the fields-“

“Why are you planting clover?” Haley put her head in her hands and waited for Ana to finish feeding her cat.

“Its roots grow deep and loosen the dirt, it also provides nitrogen.” As soon as the cat was happy, Ana sighed and sat down too. “Planting crops needs soil with lots of it and strips it from the earth. So you either have to give the fields a break season or plant stuff like clover.”

“That’s very interesting, I never knew about that.” She fixed her hair and smiled again. Ana felt that she was building up to something.

“Ah, me neither. But I got some books from the library about it.” Without letting Haley get further into it, she switched topics. “Are you alright?” The cat had finished eating and joined them below the table. Haley reached down to give her some chin scratches.

“Yeah, yes I am. Sorry, I was just feeling lonely. It’s Friday, so Em is working late and I didn’t feel like joining her in the tavern.”

“Well”, Ana smiled, “you’re always welcome here. I just wanted to know why you came up this late.”

“It’s half past six.” She grinned.

“What?” Ana got her phone out and let out an exasperated sigh. “Damn my inner clock is broken. I was certain it’s past eight.”

“You’ll get used to it. The valley swallows sunlight, especially in winter.”

“I honestly can’t wait for spring. It’s been either rainy or foggy all week.” Haley nodded. She still looked like something was on her mind, but Ana didn’t want to press further. “You want some tea?” She suddenly felt very cold. What a weird day this had been. Sure, having her friend visit was nice, but these days she craved something else entirely. Winter wasn’t an easy season for her; never had been. But this year was different. Worse. It was lonely out on the farm and it felt sad to walk through empty, dead fields. She could never tell Haley that, though. This wasn’t something she was willing to share.

“I’ll make the tea.” Haley ripped her out of her thoughts. Something Ana was thankful for. “Maybe you could start a fire? It’s cold in here.” Haley was already halfway to the kettle, making Ana smile. She had befriended the fashionable blonde in early spring, pretty much right after moving here. Haley came off as superficial first, but dealing with people like this in the city had taught Ana how to break through the icy surface. Below it she had found a friend.

“Deal.”

The two women sat by the fire for a while. Apparently a lot had happened these past days. Alex, Haley’s best friend and, if you asked Ana, a professional poser, had started a new work out regime that was, unsurprisingly, just as boring as the last one. Harvey, the town doctor, was starting an anti-cold-program for the children and older citizens that involved several activities and some lessons about healthy eating habits in the winter. Gus was selling beer at half the price right now because this was his busiest season. Ana listened and smiled while drinking her tea. Nothing big happened here, and that was precisely why she loved this town so much. Haley loved complaining about how boring it was, but after working in the city for years, all Ana needed right now was calm and quiet. She had nothing against work, work was fine, but the people – she needed a break from people.

“And then I told Em that nobody cares about her tailoring stories and that this wasn’t a relatable problem at all, but you know her, she still thinks everybody loves fabrics as much as she does and would be just as outraged to hear about her favourite brand stopping their sales on cotton only fabrics. Anyways, what’s going on with you? You’re awfully quiet today!”

“I am?” Ana grinned, “don’t act like I usually get much of a word in with you.” She rubbed her eyes and blinked slowly into the warm light radiating from the fire, “I’m tired is all. Winter is making me tired.”

“You got so much to do?” Haley sounded empathetic but she didn’t quite get the point.

_No, it’s not the work. It’s the season. All the cold and darkness take a toll on me. And don’t even get me started on Christmas. It’s going to be my first solo Christmas._ She didn’t say that out loud. Instead she just shrugged. “Yeah, working the farm alone is pretty hardcore. Especially since the holidays are coming up.” And soon she wouldn’t have much work left to do and then she would just sit around, doing nothing. She was scared shitless of the prospect of being alone with her thoughts.

“Right, okay I get it.” Her friend nodded slowly, “you’re out here alone and that sucks. But winter in the valley doesn’t suck as much as you might think. On Christmas we all get together for a big feast and that’s usually really nice!”

That made Ana perk up, “really? What kind of feast?”

“We call it ‘The Feast of the Winter Star’, there’s secret santa, a big tree and everybody brings food. I used to hate it, but it grew on me. It’s nice being with the town. There’s so little people here, it’s never crowded. Just a nice, homey feast.”

“Sounds amazing!” Ana wasn’t exaggerating her excitement; this was the nice part about small towns in the middle of nowhere. It was only a day, but she was glad to hear she wouldn’t spend it alone.

“It’s really pretty, too!” Haley’s eyes lit up, “I love Christmas trees!”

“Me too”, Ana admitted, “they make everything seem festive.”

“They do! You see, it won’t be as bad as you think.” She winked, “but maybe you should start thinking long term.”

“I don’t even wanna know what you mean by that.” She put down her mug and gave her friend an unimpressed look. This was a common problem when talking to Haley.

“I mean maybe you fancy someone from town?” She was all shits and giggles about this. Haley loved gossiping about love, talking about love, thinking about love – she was like Cupid but in a non-creepy-fat-naked-baby-kinda way. Ana on the other hand was a little more – realistic? Was that the right word for it?

“Not too thrilled about my options, really. Also, what happed to ‘women don’t need a partner to feel fulfilled?’” She grinned.

“That’s still true, but if you’re feeling lonely out here, maybe a guy could help?” Haley sipped some tea. “Like a house plant that talks back sometimes.”

That made Ana laugh. “A guy, right.”

“Or a girl, but honestly you won’t have a lot of options with that. It’s a small town after all.”

“Right. Still, options here aren’t really a thing either way, right? We got the town drunk, the town jock, the town child and wherever Elliot fits in.”

“Elliot is his own category, let’s face it.” Haley reached into the cookie jar on the tea table. “He’s a special specimen.”

“Indeed he is”, Ana sneaked herself a cookie, too, and laughed. “As I said, options.”

“Yes yes”, Haley waved her hand, “I know what you mean.”

“You got your eye on someone?” Ana knew that Alex and Haley previously dated and that it had gone up in flames. They were friends now, but in middle school it had been an entirely different story.

“Maybe.” Haley hid behind the cookie. “Maybe not.”

It was moments like this, where Ana noticed their age difference. Haley just turned 20 this summer. There was a surprising amount of young people in this place. The daughter of the town carpenter Robin was 19, Sam, the aforementioned ‘town child’ was 21 but acted like a rowdy teenager half the time and Abigail, the shopkeepers daughter, was 18. She remembered all too well coming here, expecting a town filled with seniors. Instead she found quite a few people her age, a couple of teenagers and even some children. She wondered if she would see more people move here over time. Surely some of the younger folks were off to college sooner or later and there had to be some new faces every couple of years to keep the balance.

“What about Penny?” Haley cracked a smile, “she’s nice, age appropriate and you two get along.”

Ana rolled her eyes. “Do we really need to talk about this?”

“I’m just trying to be productive here. Some brainstorming if you will.”

“I will not.” Ana laughed and looked at her phone. “You wanna stay over? It’s late, for real now.”

“Yeah sounds good”, Haley yawned, “maybe you just need a second cat.”

“Now there’s a good thought!”

*

Guy talk. Ana had never been good with guy talk. She had no idea how she got her former boyfriends, with the way she acted. She never really gave stuff like that much thought. But Haley’s words stayed with her. Maybe this really would help?

She shook her head, laughing about herself. No, it wouldn’t. She was good on her own. Winter sucked back home, too, and she hadn’t been lonely there. It was just Christmas, she had to get through Christmas and then it would be fine. In the end it always turned out to be fine.

It was half past 5 on a rainy morning. Ana hadn’t slept much. Usually the sound of rain was the best sleep aid she could hope for, but this night, sleep just didn’t happen. It was alright. The fields were empty, she had done all the field work left – there was little to do.

Feeling a sudden spurt of motivation, she climbed out of bed and wrapped a blanket around her shoulders for warmth. Her cat protested the sudden lack of blanket with a small yelp.

“Sorry Beans”, she reached around and covered the small, white furr baby with a second blanket.

The kitchen was dark, but still retained some warmth from the previous day. Ana quickly lit a fire and started the coffee maker. While coffee was dripping through the filter, she roamed around in the storage until she found, what she was looking for.

“There you are”, she pulled her grandfathers old fishing rod out and frowned. The string was broken. “Maybe Willy could fix you up for me, eh?”

Leaning the rod on the kitchen wall, she took another glance at the time. It was a little early, but she could stop by the fisherman’s store in a few hours. Having something to do would be nice. Right now all she did was sleep the days away, take walks around the farm pretending to do stuff and visit Haley and her sister Emily. Tuesdays were good, because those days Caroline hosted a workout session and afterwards they all had tea in her conservatory. Fridays she usually visited the tavern and chatted with Shane, who also suffered from seasonal depression (and regular depression, but so did she). Saturdays she was usually invited to dinner at Jodi’s house, a thank you for babysitting Vincent whenever Sam was with his friends. If she laid it out like that, she really couldn’t complain, but the hours between these dates were long and usually dark or gloomy. Animals, she thought. Animals would be good. Some chickens, maybe a couple of cows. She’d need a stable of course.

Ana made a mental note to visit Robin after seeking out Willy. And maybe the library in between. She had no idea how to fish and Gunter was good company.

Today would be a productive day. She was sure of it.

She took her coffee mug outside and stared at the dark farm for a while. At night, the lake looked like a big mirror. But today that mirror was more of a puddle. Rain poured down heavy and filled the air with a scent of wet dirt and pine trees. Ana took deep breaths. Her mug standing on the porch fencing, she lit a cigarette and watched the smoke disappear. Somehow she had thought that moving out here would be the end of her smoking, but apparently that was not how it worked. Beans joined her outside, stroking around her legs for a bit, before deciding that the cold and wet weather wasn’t for her. Ana smiled and put out the cigarette, reaching for the warmth of her coffee once more.

Somehow she managed to kill enough time to justify her trip down to the docks. Umbrella in one hand, fishing rod in the other, she started her descend through the farm down towards the forest. Marnie, the local rancher, was already up and about. The windows of her house were shining brightly in the rain and Ana felt, like a weight was lifted off her shoulders. Other people were awake, she wasn’t all alone anymore.

Being the only one up usually felt comforting, but right now she needed to feel normal. Mud

soaked into her jeans and sucked her boots to the ground. She passed Leah’s house and made her way into town. Here all houses still lay dark. Right at the start was Jodi’s house, where she, Sam and her youngest son Vincent lived. Behind that was Haley’s and Emily’s home and then came the town center. She followed the river down, through the graveyard, passing the mayors house. Her steps made hollow sounds, walking over the bridge towards the beach.

Willy was awake. He stood on the docks by his house, in the pouring rain, and fished. No weather could keep this man inside. Ana respected that.

“Good Morning, Willy!” She balanced umbrella and rod while walking down the slippery wooden dock.

“And a good morning it is!” The friendly old man waved a bucket full of fish around and smiled at her. “You’re up awfully early. Shouldn’t you use this time of year to get some sleep?”

“Ah you know how it is. Once you’re used to get up at the crack of dawn it’s hard to shake the habit. I take it you had a successful morning?”

“I did indeed, what brings you down here?” He made his way to the shaggy old house next to them and Ana followed. Once inside, she could finally rid herself off the umbrella, nearly dropping the fishing rod in the process.

“Oh, what do we have here?” Willy took the rod from her and examined it carefully. “Got your late grandfather’s fishing rod out?”

“You remember it?” She tried not getting mud everywhere, despite the fact that the first floor of Willy’s house was a mess anyways.

“Of course I do. We had some good times fishing together, Earl and I.” A melancholic look came across Willy’s face. He replaced it with glee, taking the rod behind the counter and pulling out some fishing yarn in the process.

“It is fixable?”

The fisherman was already at work, nodding furiously, “of course, of course! Fishing rods are pretty sturdy, as long as the rod itself isn’t broken. You can replace basically anything else. It’ll take me a bit, though. You mind coming back later?”

“Sure”, Ana smiled and picked up her soggy umbrella. “I need to read up on fishing anyways. I have no idea what I’m doing.”

“I can show you the ropes, kid. You’ll see, it’s easy as- now where did I put the knob for that?” Willy was deep into his work and Ana took the hint and slowly backed out through the front door.

The dock glistened in the rain, yellow streaks of light from the windows of Willy’s cabin running down the wet wood, reflecting their shine in every drop of water. Ana checked her phone for the time and realized that she had over an hour until the library opened. Knowing, that once she headed back home, she would probably just sink into her bed, she instead opted for something a little less self-destructive. Pulling out headphones from her coat pocket, she positioned herself on the right hand dock, still connected to the main structure but a little further away from Willy’s house, balancing her umbrella whilst smoking a cigarette. She liked this spot.

A small ashtray caught her attention. So she wasn’t the only one who liked smoking here. It could be Jodi’s secret smoke spot, she mused, smiling to herself. Between the ocean rumbling below her feet, the rain pouring down, a full Harry Styles album playing through her headphones and her slowly letting out smoke into the darkness, time skipped forward.

It wasn’t much, but a small amount of light broke through the hefty clouds covering the sky, signalling that it was now indeed morning. She snuffed out the current cigarette and, with a last, long look towards the ocean, made her way back up into town.

The town square wasn’t dark and silent anymore. Dr. Harvey was chatting with Caroline near his clinic, Shane made his way to work and mayor Lewis was on his way to the blacksmith’s house. Clint’s house was near the library, and so Ana joined him briefly.

“Good morning Lewis, how’s it going?” She smiled at the elderly mayor, giving him a little wave as she fell into a light jog to keep up with him.

“Ana, good to see you out and about. You know, everything is as it always is, I got nothing to complain about. How about you? Are you dealing well with winter?” The kind man kept his eyes on their path while talking.

The farmer stuffed her headphones back into the coat pocket and tried keeping up with the mayor. Despite his age, he had quite a stride. “I’m doing alright, it’s a bit lonely out there, so I’m not particularly looking forward to the holidays. But I heard you guys have a feast on Christmas eve set up?” Walking and talking at the same time made her embarrassingly winded. She really had to quit smoking.

“We do! We’re all gathering, I was going to send you a reminder via mail. We’re doing secret santa, is that something you would like to participate in?” They crossed the bridge towards the library and Ana, thankful for the opportunity, slowed down and pointed at the library.

“This is my stop.” She hid her panting with a well placed yawn. “Yeah I’d like to be a part of that.”

Mayor Lewis blinked into the sun, now further up and slowly illuminating the valley through the rain. “Sounds good. I’ll let you know the details soon. Have a nice day, Ana.”

“Thank you, you too!” He was already walking away, his head seemingly someplace completely different. What a weird guy, Ana thought. She spotted Penny heading down from her and her mother’s trailer, probably to collect the children and take them to the library as well. In this weather, it was doubtful they would do an outside lesson. Hurriedly, Ana got inside the library. She liked Penny and the children we’re amazing, but she wanted to be done before they started their school day. Reading about fishing with a math lesson going on in the same room wasn’t all that relaxing.

“Morning Gunter!” She dropped her umbrella into the stand by the door and took in the smell of books. The librarian had his nose buried into a book, as per usual, and merely acknowledged her with a nod. Ana immediately went for a shelve to the right, that contained practical books on farming, fishing and other things she probably should know.

Finding what she was looking for, she sat down on one of the couches and started skipping through the books to figure out which ones she should take home. The first book was clearly for advanced fishermen, the second one seemed pretty outdated, but the third book was exactly what she needed. Happy about her findings, she returned the other books and took the one she needed up to Gunter’s desk. Right as he was checking it out, Penny entered, Jas and Vincent by her side.

“Vincent I told you not to jump into the mud puddle, now we have to clean you up before we can start. Good Morning Gunter”, Penny raised her gaze and realized Ana was also there. “Oh hello Ana. Looking for new reading material?”

“Just a book on fishing-“, Ana let her sentence trail off, seeing that Penny had her hands full.

“I need to pee”, Jas said with a whiny undertone in her voice.

The farmer didn’t envy Penny one bit. She was good with the children, but dealing with them seemed exhausting at times. Ana quickly snuck out, giving Penny a head nod and a small wave to the kids. Outside, she put the book away and opened her umbrella back up. Her phone showed a few missed messages from Haley. Smiling, Ana put her headphones back in and read the messages on her way up to Robin’s house.

_Why am I awake?_

_Emily is sewing and it is LOUD!_

_You up already?_

_Ofc you are. You always are._

Ana shot her a quick message, letting her know that she was indeed up and would text her back later. She crossed through town and followed the path up to the mountains, where Demetrius and Maru, the husband and child of Robin, were just on their way down. Maru worked part time at Harvey’s clinic and Demetrius was probably going to do some scientific stuff or something. Ana wasn’t entirely sure what he did half the time.

She passed them with a friendly greeting and finally entered the mountains, where their house was located.

“Robin!” Ana greeted the carpenter, excited to see the woman that has helped her out so much since the start. She was the main reason her grandfather’s house was a somewhat habitable area.

“Ana, how nice of you to stop by! Come in dear, oh lord you’re soaked.” The redhead was drawing up some plans for what looked like a shed, when she greeted Ana. Her eyes immediately filled with a nice warmth, that spread through the room.

“I am. It’s been pouring down for a while now.” Ana shook her wet hair around playfully, leaning her umbrella on a nearby wall. “I’ve been out for a while. The umbrella only protects so much.”

“You wanna sit down in the kitchen and have some tea? I’m guessing you’re not just here on a social call.” Robin smirked, already coming out from behind the counter.

“That sounds nice.” Ana tried to get as much mud from her shoes as possible, before stepping into the house properly. “You’re right. I’m here because I got a work proposal for you.”

“Work.” Robin grinned, “my favourite reason to see you. Come on, let’s go.”

Just as they were about to go, the basement door creaked open and revealed a tall, pale man with purple hair and very wide eyes. Apparently he hadn’t expected visit. Ana was probably looking just as surprised as he did, though, since she had no idea someone lived in the basement.

“Oh hey Sebbi, you’re off to Sam’s I take it?”

“Yeah.” He was shuffling towards the door, eyes darting back and forth between Robin and Ana. “And don’t call me that, please.”

Robin rolled her eyes, turning to the farmer next to her. “Ana, you remember my son Sebastian?”

A very faint memory of her mentioning a son came up in Ana’s brain. Robin had mentioned him once or twice half a year ago. She had assumed he didn’t live in the valley anymore. How had she never seen him? She realized that she should probably say something. “Uh yeah”, she cleared her throat, “yes, I remember. Hi, I’m Ana.”

“Hi.” He wasn’t much of a talker huh?

“Hold on a second.” Robin vanished for a moment, reappearing with a sizable package in her hands. “Please take this with you, Sebb- Sebastian. I promised Jodi I would get her some of my pumpkin pie and I haven’t gotten around to deliver it yet.” She handed her son the package and he took it, now with a fake bored facial expression on his face, that reminded Ana of a rebellious teenager.

“Thanks hon”, Robin went on towards the kitchen, leaving Ana and Sebastian alone, but before she could say something he rushed to the door and was gone.

Confused and bewildered, Ana walked to the kitchen, where she met up with Robin.

“I had no idea he was living here.” She said exasperated. “How have I never met him before? I’ve been living here since February!”

The carpenter shrugged, “he isn’t very social. Mostly sits around in the basement, doesn’t have many friends, goes out mostly at night. Honestly, I’m not surprised.” She realized how her own words sounded and quickly shook her head. “He’s a good boy, well… man, this life just isn’t for him. Small town and all, I mean. He went to college for a few years, but when money got tight he had to move back home. I don’t think he’s gotten over that yet.”

Ana hummed in agreement, giving herself a few seconds to work that information. She wanted to ask more questions, but didn’t want to pester Robin about her son.

“What did you want to talk about, dear?” Robin had already moved on from the topic, boiling water for tea.

“Right”, Ana shook her head and moved on, too. “So I wanted to ask you about a chicken coop.”

*

Despite the fact that it had been raining for almost a month, Ana was still surprised to wake up on Christmas to the familiar tapping sound. This night, she’d actually slept. At least that counted as a win to some extent. Hissing, as her feet touched the cold floor, she did her usual routine of wrapping herself into a blanket, starting some coffee, making a fire and putting on some music to make the house seem less empty.

With the water warmed up by the fire, Ana hopped into the shower, taking her sweet time under the hot water, before having to get back out into the cold. She threw on some sweatpants and a sweater and put herself snug on the couch with the blanket, her coffee, some breakfast and her cat, curled up by her feet. She snatched the fishing book from the couch table and started reading where she last stopped. Willy held up his promise and showed her the basics, but she still needed some assistance on bait and eco friendly fishing.

A few hours later it was time for her to get ready and head to town. She got her secret santa gift for Marnie, is was a bunch of cave carrots for her goats, and left. Outside it was already dark again. Ana couldn’t remember a single hour of sunlight these past weeks. A small spot just outside her house had been marked for a chicken coop. Robin had promised her to start work right after the holidays and Ana couldn’t wait. Finally something to do, something that was alive on this farm.

At least it wasn’t raining anymore, she thought as she approached the town. Haley didn’t lie, it really looked magical. Fairy lights were strung about the place, there was a big tent in the middle of the town square, with some amazing smells coming out of it, and the big tree right in front of Pierre’s shop was looking mighty festive. Still, it wasn’t a nice night and so Ana found herself hurdled by one of the fires lit across town.

“Ana!” Haley beamed at her, “there you are!”

“Hey”, Ana took the mug Haley offered, pleasantly surprised at the smell of mulled wine. “You were right, it looks amazing!”

“It does, doesn’t it?” Her friend looked around, mesmerized by the pretty lights. Ana took the moment to allow herself to calm down. This was nice. Today hadn’t been the nightmare she’d been afraid of. At least so far.

“You coming to the tent?” Haley ripped her out of her thoughts.

“Yeah sure.” At that moment, Ana spotted Marnie standing next to the mayor’s house. “Actually, I’ll be there in a second. Let me just deliver my secret santa real quick.”

Haley nodded and made her way to the tent, leaving Ana to approach the rancher. Marnie was talking to Lewis and Gus, all of them mugs in their hands, probably filled with the same mulled wine as Ana’s.

“Hey guys”, Ana joined them, carefully, as to not spill something.

“Hello Ana, are you enjoying the feast so far?” Gus was the kind of guy you had to like. Always friendly, beer belly jiggling with delight whenever he or someone else cracked a joke.

“I am!” She shuffled closer, revealing a present to the group. “Marnie, I’m your secret santa.” She handed the gift over, watching with anticipation as the other woman tore into it.

“Oh Ana, that’s lovely! Thank you very much. Billy and Henry are going to love them!” Seeing the puzzled looks on the men’s faces, she laughed and added “these are cave carrots. A real treat for goats.”

“Seems like you really hit the mark, kid.” Lewis took a sip from his mug, his slightly red tinted ears and nose indicating that this wasn’t his first drink of the evening.

“Glad you like it.” Not wanting to disturb the group any further, Ana excused herself and walked over to the tent. An overwhelming wave of smells and warmth crashed over her, leaving the farmer disoriented for a second. Inside the tent, lots of chatter and laughter filled the air, families and friends exchanging gifts, people eating and children running around in a playful manner.

Much like with the group outside, Ana didn’t feel like she belonged. These people knew each other for years. In came she, crashing the party like the weird stranger she was to many of them.

Overwhelmed, Ana stepped back outside and almost ran right into Robin and Demetrius. Mumbling an excuse, she wandered down to the river, but wherever she looked, there were always people nearby. She couldn’t do small talk right now.

Before she knew it, she was back at the docks, staring into the night. Light rain had set in again, soaking her, but she didn’t care. She just needed to be alone. For the first time in a long time, she missed her friends and family from the city. Christmas was easy there. People just got drunk and fought over politics. Here, everybody knew each other and she stuck out like a sore thumb. She wasn’t nice and homey and used to other people being nice and homey. Today had been such a good day, until she had to ruin it with her thoughts. Why was she always-

“Are you alright?”

A voice broke through her thoughts, making her snap up. The basement-man, Sebastian, was standing a few feet away, keeping his distance. His eyes had that wide look again, like a startled cat almost.

“Uh”, she couldn’t form a cohesive sentence.

“Sorry if I scared you.” He slowly walked towards her, until they were both standing at the edge of the dock, surrounded by darkness and rain.

“You didn’t. I just wasn’t expecting someone to come out here, with all the Christmas stuff going on in town.” Ana finally found her composure and took a step to the left, leaving more room for him to stand comfortably, without getting into each other’s personal space. She felt her breathing normalize, the dwelling panic attack subsiding again.

“I saw you head for the beach, you looked a bit overwhelmed.” He explained himself, hands shuffling in his pockets. “Not that I was watching you or something. Well, actually I was.” He pulled out a small present, hastily wrapped in black wrapping paper with a purple band around it.

“You’re my secret santa, huh?” She smiled, taking the present. “Thank you.”

“I had no idea what you like but I know you have a cat.” She opened the present, revealing some treats. “I hope it’s alright. They are wheat and sugar free, I checked with Pierre.”

“This is great, thank you.” She pocketed the treats, fiddling around with the purple band for a second, before putting it in her pocket, too. “And don’t worry, you’re not the weird one here. I’m the one running away from Christmas.”

He stayed silent for a second, making her second guess her words. Did she come on too strong? Was he already thinking of her as a weirdo?

“I don’t blame you for that.” He finally said. “I don’t really know why I came.”

“You don’t like celebrating Christmas with your family?” She didn’t look at him, when she said it. From the way Robin had described him, he wasn’t much of a family man.

“They’re a bit much. And they are happier when I’m not around, trust me.”

Ana had no idea what to say to that. He was probably right. After all, he was the older step son of the family, home after college, living in the basement. Robin never talked about him, but couldn’t shut up about Maru. Of course she said none of these things.

Instead of talking, she went into her coat to pull out a pack of cigarettes, cursing as she notices that they were wet.

“Oh fucking hell, this god damn rain.”

“Here”, Sebastian pulled out a pack as well, reaching over to hand her one of his. He was smoking a stronger brand than her, the scent made her dizzy. She put the cigarette between her lips and lightly leaned in his direction, taking the light he offered. He lit his own and then they were standing there. Smoking in the rain on Christmas eve.

“I like the rain.” He suddenly said after a few minutes of quiet.

She didn’t reply, but looked at him as a response. He was looking at the ocean, eyes filled with some emotion she couldn’t make out. Deciphering his character was impossible at times and so obvious anytime else.

“It’s calming. Less people out, fewer expectations.”

“I used to like the rain”, Ana finally shared. “During college, the dark and rainy times were my favourite. Sitting at home with some tea and my cat. Not having to deal with the real world.” She paused, feeling like she’d overshared.

“Why did that change?” His voice was calm.

“I’m not sure it has. It’s the season. I get sad and all of a sudden being alone in the dark is scary, because then I’m alone with myself.” She blinked. Why did she say that? That was not something she shared. She shouldn’t have said that.

“Funny. For me it’s the other way around. In summer everyone is outside and they wonder, why I’m not out. I don’t feel normal around people, only around myself.” He didn’t seem to mind her sudden outburst. If anything, he actually shared, too. Ana wasn’t expecting that.

“Honestly”, she sighed, “I don’t like being around people but I don’t like being alone. I think I don’t like anything.”

“That’s very 2007-emo.” He said the line with absolutely no quiver in his voice, marking it as a joke. The deadpan delivery made Ana snicker embarrassingly loud.

“I guess you would know a lot about that, huh?” He looked over to her confused. Ana pointed towards her head, “the hair.”

“Ah, right.” He turned back to the ocean. “I forget about that sometimes.”

Changing the topic, he once again started talking. “I don’t see you on this dock a lot, why did you think to come here?”

“I discovered it a few weeks ago. It’s a nice spot.” She remembered the ashtray she found. “If it’s your spot, I can look for another one. I don’t want to disturb your hideout.”

“No it’s alright. It really is a nice spot.” He was so nonchalant about it. A few minutes ago, Ana just wanted to be alone. Now she was kinda glad he was here.

“Yeah”, she said.

“Yeah”, he replied.


End file.
